A year ago, all of this started. A year ago, it all ended for the first time. Did we mean for it to drag on this long ? Probably, hell… It helped us be ready to let it all go when the moment came. This time, can we walk away bearing smiles upon our faces ? Not because we managed to hurt the person so much but because we got to share so much. It took me a long while to realize… to come to the conclusion that, sometimes the world of pain is worth the memories of happiness. Although, to begin with .. all the anger and pain was caused by the belief that these moments would never come again, what you felt.. could never possibly be felt again. It’s a scary though. It’s a really scary though actually ; to think that someone you shared so much with, cared so much for, is now just a memory. But it is better to be left with that memory, then to never have had it happen at all.
Therefore, tonight I will smile. Tonight, I will not cry. Tonight, I will list the good memories, the best moments we had together. All the rest, I will let go. The rest will never matter to us again. Why try and tarnish and ruin it all with the mistakes we’ve made?
So the memories I will leave of you with me. The first is of the days we met, on the dock at camp. You saved me from spiders, and we canoed under the stars. The next day we swam at the rocks and I watched you jump in with all of your clothes on. The second memory is that of the first night at your friends house, you hugged me. I was so nervous, my heart was pounding, I had to read the labels on the boxes behind you to keep myself breathing. You smiled and you whispered “shut up” and put your hand on my neck and gently pulled me closer to you, kissing me for the very first time. Our very first “22” minutes. The first time I went to your house. I was nervous as hell when you showed me around and I met your family. It was the day I started 12th grade and it was the day we through in our fling towels and took up a relationship. The next would be my 17th birthday. Even if we weren’t together at the time, you still waited up all night to wish me a happy birthday. After a long while of not talking, you gave me a song that you sang in with your band. Hearing you sing made me so happy since you told me once you wouldn’t play for me or let me hear you sing. Although, explaining to my ex why my other ex’ song was on his laptop was pretty intense, it was all part of the fun that day.
As I was in 12th grade, my prom was coming up. I knew secretly that there was only one person I wanted to bring. So 2 days before valentine’s day, I jokingly invited you to my prom and it sparked one of the most amazing midnight phone call I ever got. That week was definitely one of the best this year. Especially seeing your facebook note then. I know this is quite a bit, but they were the moments that meant the most to me. I’ll continue with the Sunday after valentine’s day. My brother drove me to your place early that day and I stayed at your place all day. I believe we watched lucky number sleven and decided to once again, become a couple. I remember the massive storm and the 2 hour bus ride couldn’t even bring me down. Next, I’d have to say your birthday. I stayed up till 4 in the morning to color your card. I restarted it fifteen times because I wanted it to be perfect. The next morning I got up at 7 to bake you a batch of cupcakes. I placed them all perfectly in a Tupperware container Leaving my house, I tripped and tipped the container and all the cupcakes got stuck on the top of the container. I started to cry at the time because I wanted them to be so perfect. Seeing you eat some made my day though and I sure hope they made yours. Although, I’m sorry I felt so sick and had to go home. I did want to spend all day with you. Spending the day with you when you had your ear infection, it was so gross but it didn’t stop me from being there. The emails you sent to me. All the songs you’ve ever shown me and made reference to me. Haha, the time you “danced” for me. Might as well throw in some handcuffs . Getting Froster’s and skittles at the Macs near your house. Whenever I’d see you smile, play your guitar or hold my hand tightly whenever you brought me home. At camp, on my dock. I never thought anyone cared about me more in the one moment you hugged me after I let you go. My cousin’s wedding, when we danced together for the first time. As the song ended, you held me and kissed me so sweetly. It was my picture perfect kiss. Finding out you pinned my card on your wall or board. It made me so happy. The last moment, was seeing you play rugby. Seeing you do what you really love doing even though you always get hurt.
A lot of memories meant so much. Some were so great and I can only hope that we leave now, thinking of these. Believing in the truth of what one another felt for each other. We are both strong, we are both going to make it.
Hopefully we someday find the strength to forgive each other. Hopefully you still care enough to wish me well. Maybe life’s purpose was not for us to be together but to have simply met. To have been in each other’s life and to have helped us in some way. Teaching each other a little bit at a time. Preparing us for everything that’s going to come.
I hope that you be all that you can be. That you are happy with we’re you’re at and to never stop thinking about the things you do. About the greater plans you have. Just remember to stay out of trouble . Be happy with who you are dear, you’ll make it anywhere.